You blink... and the month is gone

Holy Moley tomorrow is weigh in!!!!

and I'm realizing that I'm still not making exercise and eating right a priority... Looks like I need to step it up for the last month, I know I won't be in the running for any prizes... but I really need to make a better effort. I'm not apologizing to anyone because that means what I've been doing is acceptable and it's not.

Life in perspective

Hello all,

An update on Duane. He now has full movement in his face again! YAY! So happy that the meds worked for him and that he didn't have any permanent damage.

I can't help but to put some things in my life into perspective. There are some things that will need to drastically change for me to become the thinner woman I want to be. BUT I keep focusing on the end result I want rather then the little results I need to achieve to get there. I caught myself saying to my hubby that I need to take "Drastic Measures" over the weekend to start losing weight. I'm at my whits end. but the more I thought about it the more I'm realizing.... I'm in my way. Duane isn't in my way, family isn't in my way, not even friends. The "Drastic Measure" that needs to change is me. I need to stop focusing on my failures and move thru them. I need to start doing what I say and get in exercise each day.

I am to blame for this weight not anyone else!!!

So how do I move past this? How do I reprogram years and years worth of negativity?

I think it's getting off my ass and taking one step in front of the other and see where that takes me.

Update: Cherish each moment

So the meds are working for him. He still has a crooked smile but he's smiling. He also can get about 50% lift on his left eye brow! Progress!!!

I am continuing to support him in any way I can. I appreciate all your support it's helped me out!

Cherish each moment

So this week I have been hit by some pretty heavy reality checks. Last week my husband started complaining about the muscles on the left side of his face. Over the weekend it took a turn for the droopy. Yesterday I was so worried that even though his work messed up his insurance so he doesn't have any I took him to the ER. I literally thought he was having a stroke.

As fate would have it, it wasn't a stroke thank god. But he has Bells Palsy. It's a virus that hits the nerve that affects one side of your face. Makes it so the muscles are weakened. Hopefully we caught it early enough that the medication will help reverse what's happened. In the mean time we are going nuts with the thought of the cost to the ER and a CT scan... but his life is worth more to me then 10's of millions of dollars!

On a lighter note when the CT scan came back totally clear and normal (means no stroke) Duane said "Huh, that's weird... I never thought my brain would show normal". I about died laughing. Leave it to him to make me laugh in an intense situation. All night he was cracking jokes about going as "Two Face" for Halloween or eating ribs and slurring words like a WWE wresting announcer. At least he's has hopes that this will turn around.

But what I realized is that I wish my days away. I wish my moments away just to get to the next moment. I don't just stop and enjoy what I have. I don't take the time to make memories survive. (As I tear up) You never know when someone you love will be taken from you. It's scary that really it can happen in the blink of an eye. So my personal challenge for everyone is to go home tonight and make a memory!

Line Dancing

So last night for my Mother in Laws 50th birthday we all went to a western bar and went Line Dancing. Mind you she has never done this before and has only been to a bar once in her entire 50 years. When she told us this was on the "Bucket List" well... we had to go.

I made the mistake of wearing heels and a western skirt. But I made it thru 3 line dances in 3 hours. It was also 80 degrees inside the building so I was sweating like a stuff pig. Today my feet are barking at me but all in all it was fun. Next time it's jeans and sneaks!

This morning we got out and did some much needed yard work and trying to mow with sores on your feet are not so good. I'm relaxing the rest of the day but so far this weekend has been pretty eventful!

Hope all of you are doing great!

On having to make a hard decision...

So after another month with negative weight results and negative pregnancy tests, I'm done. I'm done trying to be wonder woman and doing everything at once.

I can't focus all my energy on both things. So I had a long talk with my Husband, who is great, and he just wants me to be happy. He's willing to put the baby makin business on hold while I rediscover myself and focus on my weight loss. I will still be taking the meds to balance out my hormones because that can only help in my weight loss.

Believe me most wouldn't think this is a hard choice but I am a very OCD person and highly believe in multi tasking. I've also wanted a child for a long while and waited till I was 30 to try for one, and have been dealing with a great amount of regret for waiting this long. I don't like failing in fact I am so hard on myself when I do. So this entire year so far I have really punished myself... NO LONGER!

This weeks Challenge

So this weeks challenge is to let you in on the person who is Samantha. This is no easy feet as there is so many events that made me who I am. I think though I will focus on why I'm currently in this competition and my current life.

My name is Samantha Jane Thomas and I married my prince, Duane Thomas, July 4th 2009. Duane and I had a miscarriage earlier this year and the reason I joined this competition is to try to become healthier to have a child and avoid this situation again. I also feel that I am a thin healthy person trapped in a fat suit. There is so much I want to do but when I try I feel like I'm going to die. Seriously, I do try! So the only way around this is to focus on what I eat and the movements I do.

So for now...that is me and my personal life.

This is the last time I let myself down..

GAIN.... 7 lbs :(((((

Well as I suspected I gained this month. There were a lot of factors in my way... BUT I am not going to disappoint myself again. I've been on menu for the last 3 days and have tried to move around more each day. I've been getting in my work outs every other day. I truly hope that I can overcome this and show a positive number before the end of this. I really want to be under 300 before the end of the year.