It's been like... forever

It really has been a while since I've even been on here to blog. I got so focused on the fertility meds that I lost sight of me. We've been trying so hard to have a baby that we lost sight of us. I finally had it. In July I told Duane, No MORE. I need to focus on goals I intend for myself.

I instantly registered for school and am now attending Stevens Henager College. I am moving towards my degree in Business with a emphasis in HR. This will complete a goal I've had forever which will be to graduate college. My next goal is to make the Presidents list a few times while I'm in college. For those of you who don't know... that's the tippy top! past the deans list.

I also know I need to refocus my health efforts. I've gained some weight back and I don't feel comfortable in my clothes. I'm NOT buying larger sizes so I need to spend the money on what I need to continue my health.

Major changes

As most of you know I have been trying to have a baby for almost 4 years now. It's been a very very rough road for my husband and I. Well earlier this year we basically made a pact. We try everything we can and if it doesn't happen by the end of the year then we just move on with our lives. It's hard for some to understand and see at as we are just quitting at that point. After many years of heart ache I want to focus on what I do have and stop living unhappily.

So no, this isn't some major announcement that we are having a kid. This is me pouring my thoughts out... not that hardly anyone will read this. What I have done this year: I started on rounds of provera to jump start regular cycles. I was also put on metformin to help with my insulin levels in my ovaries. In march I took a 50mg round of clomid which with testing proved to not have worked. So this month I took double that. I go in for more blood tests this week to see if I even ovulated which has been my big problem since I don't have regular cycles. Wish me luck there.

So onto my major changes. I have decided to cut out breads. I'm going to try to only do brown rice, maybe tortillas sparingly, yogurt/low fat cheeses, veggies, fruits, and meats (I consider eggs a meat). I may add oatmeal in eventually if I need a filler. I may even introduce more dairy back in but I'm trying to go as low carb as possible. If I get my diet under control then all this working out will prove results. At some point I want to be able to ignore the scale and go by how I look and feel. With Duane's help I have been working on not looking at myself with blinders on. No more camera tricks to hide my double chin. This is me.... I need to love me and work on me.

Next thing I am looking forward to is a breast cancer walk on May 11th. I will probably post some pics after that event.
Thanks for letting me vent about what's been holding me back and actually has made me gain the past few months. I have a feeling my meds have stunted my progress and I need to eat very clean to get where I want to go.

Review, Redefine, and hopefully Renew

Hello all,

So I lost 35 lbs from Jan-Sept last year then I have been at a stale mate since. Plenty of things have gone on in my life but I'm really really discouraged that I can't get the scale to budge at all this whole time. I'm still doing My Fitness Pal. It states that I burn an avg of 3200 cals a day and that I should eat 500-1000 less then that. Well with my fitbit monitor I see that most days I am burning 2800 cals unless it's a work out day. So I've planned my days meals to be between 1800-2200 cals. Even with that... even if I go a little over I've managed to lose and gain the same 5 lbs several times over the last 6 months. If I were actually pregnant I would be ok with that but because I'm not it's pissing me off that I'm not dropping weight like a mad woman! I honestly and really discouraged today and don't know what to do. I've tried eating more for 2 weeks and gained... ate less and stayed the same. I can't seem to get far enough away to stop seeing "300+" on the scale. I don't want to do anything drastic because drastic tends to only be a temporary loss. Maybe I'll figure this out someday soon.

I gave up Sweets, Desserts, and Drive thru's for lent. So I'm hoping that maybe by the end of Lent I will have figured out my grove and get into all those sweet pairs of pants hanging in my other closet!

Starting Lent early!

Well January was full of excuses. Too much cold, too much snow, and too many events. So now that I'm done saying that I'm so over January now. Because I didn't budge in my weight this past month that means that's even more I need to work on this month. I'm going to do my best. First off, going to the grocery store tonight to get veggies, fruits, and other items to make sure I have enough to eat at home and at work. If I pack things with me then I don't dive for the candy jars.

Infact next week starts Lent season allthough I will be starting my lent season TODAY. I've finally decided I'm giving up sweets/desserts and fast food (this means any place with a drive thru). As I know I can't avoid eating out all together because of family outtings and such but I can restrict what I can control. Most people give up one thing... and it takes 40 days to break a habit... well Lent is 40 days so here I go. What is funny is that I am a "Saint" when it's Lent season on the items I give up but the rest of the year I seem to struggle. I believe that if I give up certain things all together like I have with soda maybe that's the key to my success... what has candy or BK ever done for me other then keep me plump?

I'm struggling with weight loss right now and as much as I'd fully like to blame it on the meds I'm on, I know that some of it is my choices. So instead of looking forward to Peeps and a chocolate bunny on easter when Lent is over... I want to look forward to a fabulous new spring dress and what goes better with a dress then some new shoes!

Doing it... no really

So I've been back to Jazzercise but the weather is causing classes to be cancelled so I've been thinking of alternative things to do at home. Crunches on commercials, Bicep curls, etc... anything I can do.

So I'm back down to my fighting weight before the holidays... 298! Which is awesomesauce. Now I need to break through that number and keep going. I updated my ticker with my 2013 goal to get to Onederland.. That's as long as I don't fall pregnant :P

I won't talk much about what I'm doing with that and the schedule... This time we'll keep it private when it does happen until we are in the safe zone. I've decided that I'm too old and will only have one pregnancy. People keep trying to change my mind but when I think about having a kid still living at home when I'm near my 60's it just turns me off hahahaha. I have worked so hard for just one.. if I'm blessed with just one I'm not pushing my luck.. I'm moving on with my life and enjoying every moment I get.

Anyways, got a little side tracked this week with emotions and rash choices to delete my calorie counter program... but all is good in the hood now. I am back on there and drama free peeps are gone off the list.

Jan Mini goal: 8.9 lbs

March 2012-Jan 2013 35 lbs loss

pics

Fighting Emotions... and colds... and a NEW HOPE

So as some of you know I lost my grandpa Harold this holiday season. He was 79. It's been a 4-5 year ordeal and I thought I was prepared for it. Alas I had a few bad days there of uncontrolable crying and emotions. I'm not one to get weak and it was really hard for me to allow myself to feel like that. I did however so I could get over this process to move onto better times in 2013.

In the mist of that I landed cold #3 just 2 weeks after the last cold. This one hit hard and fast and has lasted over 5 days. I think I'm through th worst of it now but the hazy air isn't helping my nagging cough. Isn't it funny that when you get sick everyone instantly thinks you are pregnant? ummm peeps I'm not throwing up, I have what half of utah has right now... chill!

Today is a good milestone. Today I go back into my amazing OBGYN to check on my blood pressure and since I've lost 15 more lbs then he expected me to in order to discuss fertility options... think we'll discuss that too! Duane and I have had some talks resently but last nights was wonderful. Day dreaming about our piggy tailed little girl or our overall wearing spikey haired little guy (both blonde blue eyed :))and how amazing it would be to actually concieve this year. I think that hope we both lost has returned in full force and we can see our bright future again. In hopes that maybe all this postive energy manifests into what we want. So stay tuned... I have some hard month ahead with hormone treatments and such, but if it results in a pregnancy it'll be worth it!