Tired of the toying scale

303, 302, 300.5

I can't seem to break the 300 mark. I know I know... I am so close and not to get discouraged now. I count every calorie. Work out. water water water.... I just can't seem to break it. I should be shedding weight like mad.

Some day... some day I will look back at this and laugh at my thoughts. I will not stop I will keep pushing thru.

Accepting and dealing with the cards you are dealt

Lately I have been thinking long and hard about all aspects of my life. I'm doing well with weight loss, I'm in a good marriage, I'm starting to get hope back that possibly someday I'll hold MY child, and Hudson is happy now.

It's true though that you always want more then what you are blessed with. You want a thinner body faster, You want a healthy baby of your own, You want excitment to happen in your life every day, you want a bigger better home, You want your debt to disappear, you want clothes that work with your body, you want you want you want.

How do we overcome the "wants" and be happy with the "what I haves"?

Someday I think that I need to address this addiction to "always wanting more" with a professional. People will tell me, "Just be thankful" or "Just put it out of your mind" or "Your time will come". It honestly feels like I do everything to be good and moral but yet see others rewarded that are bad and S#itheads. It isn't that easy when you have an addictive personality to just not be happy with what you don't have. I've seen addicition all my life as well through those close to me. I know when I need help and I know when to ask for it.

Maybe it's just human nature. Maybe no one is meant to feel "Whole" and that's the challenge god has put before me. I know I don't usually get this deep in thought but today I'm really reflective.

Didn't rule those 2 lbs... but it's ok

So before vacation I didn't lose the 2 lbs I needed to so that I could celebrate being out of the 300's. But you know what, that's ok!

I still went on vacation, had fun running around Disneyland, relaxing at the condo, and eating tons of good food. I didn't feel guilty or ashamed. I tried my best to stay within calorie lines and did a TON of walking so I didn't fret.

I am back... I'm not going to weigh myself until this Saturday so I don't discourage myself at all. I will get in 3-4 Jazzercise classes, I will restock my fridge with good foods, and I will be excited for my next event with id "Night of the Running Dead" this Saturday night!

Onward and upward. I will get out of the 300's and be able to write that post I've been wanting to for years. It will happen!

2.1 lbs... I will rule you... I hope :)

So... I am officially only 2.1 lbs away from being out of the 300's. I want to be out of the 300's by this Saturday since I'll be on vaca in San Diego all next week.

I got a fortune cookie exactally 3 months ago from Oct 6th's date stating in three months you will get exciting news. I have been so hoping that this is true... and since it just so happens it falls on my official weigh in day. I certainly hope for atleast a 299.5 (Since my scale goes in .5's) reading. If it does I will have officially made it out of the 300's and haven't been that light in 6 years or so. I will then celebrate on my vacation and then get prepared for "Night of the Running Dead" when I get back.

Not sure with everything going on this week if I'll be able to Blog again until I get back from Vaca but I'll try... even if it's just to tell you what happens this Saturday.