It's dim... but it's light

So at the docs on 6/20 I weighed in at 344.5, after that hard hour of talking and accepting what I needed to do... what a difference a week can make. On 6/27 I weighed in at 337.8 that is yes a 6.7 lb loss..

High Five!
Do a little dance

This week I'm working on walking at least once a day, moving more, making good choices! and drinking lots o water...

I'll check in next week and maybe post a tracker.

Ok, Ok, I get it!

So many of you that follow my blog know of my struggles to start a family. Well I switched doctors this week and was very impressed by how much he wanted to know about my history and also spend time making sure I was informed as to EXACTLY what I needed to do.

So, OK I get it. I'm over weight. In order for him to consider giving me chlomid he's recommending that I lose 30-40 lbs with in the next few months. He's giving me some meds to regulate my hormones and also to support reproductive health. So far they are making me sick but I'll just have to deal.

Reality is... If I want it then I need to do what it takes so I can achieve it.

No more excuses, no more poor me's, no more sitting here thinking I should do something maybe tomorrow... no get off my butt and just do it! I've started walking on breaks at work. I'm back to calculating every single thing that goes into my body (Finding out I'm not eating enough, and not enough of the good stuff). I'll crack this code and just by doing these things the weight should fall off. I have to stay positive and believe that if I put in the efforts I'll get a big reward. The reward I've been waiting over a decade for.

Next time I reach for a soda or a piece of cake I'm going to ask my self "Do I want X more then I want a baby?"
I know the answer will always be NO I don't want X more. I don't need it.

So I've been maintaining at 332 for a month now. I guess I should be happy that I'm maintaining but that's my MO. I maintain.... if only I could get down to 160lbs and maintain ;)I've been cutting back on the drive thru and making killer turkey burgers and meals at home. The only thing I keep craving is little ceasers crazy bread... boo you are bad for my thighs!

So after 6 months of not being on any meds and not focusing on testing, charting, and calculating every little thing... I think I am mentally ready to start focusing with the doctors again on raising my progesterone levels. That's what they keep telling me will help us finally have a child. Right now all I'm asking god for is one child. So instead of leaving it up to chance anymore to get pregnant again.. I'm going to go back and do what the doctor tells me. So cross your fingers for me friends.

I probably won't type more then the above paragraph on this doc meds subject because #1 don't want too bore you and #2 if and when I do become with child again I will still have a chance of miscarriage again and I don't want to get everyone all excited. We've decided a specific time when I do get pregnant that we will release that information to the world. Just hoping it's before the holidays this year because that would be a killer present.

Lightening my mood

So I decided enough was enough. If I am going to accomplish my goals I needed to "Lighten" my mood. First I dyed my hair back to my blond color. I was happiest back in my teens as a blond and figure what the hell... it's bright cheery and can help me be positive right? Well so far I love it



Next, I read an article on MSN last week that Yellow nail polish can lift your spirits and is also a great color for Summer. So guess what I did last weekend? Went on a search for the most perfect shade of yellow. I found it at Target for like 2.50 it's called mellow yellow.
I put it on my toes and my fingers. At first I hated it, It's not my thing not to put red or pink on my toes. Today I've decided I really like it, it's growing on me. Maybe I'll venture out into some more bright colors this summer.

So try new things my friends... get out of the dark and into the spark!

Yeah, Yeah I know... I'm a lamer

I haven't posted anything in almost a month. I know I'm lame! I've been soo busy and preoccupied and depressed that I didn't want to yet again go on another rant.

I seriously think there is something wrong. I don't eat OR DRINK sugar for 40 days and only lose 6 lbs. At my weight I should have lost WAY more then that. I think since my miscarriage last year my body just can't adjust.. I'm staying stagnant.

So in an effort to correct my chem imbalance I'm going BACK to the docs but to a new one who specializes in this stuff. Crossing my fingers that #1 my insurance will cover most of it and #2 I'll get back to a good place.

I'm tired of being depressed and sad all the time. I'm tired of being jealous of everyone around me. Somethings got to give!