"All Talk"

So last week I injured my back and really have hardly been able to move except the last 2 days. I’m going to try to get to a Jazzercise class tonight but I know I’ll have to watch it as I’m still sore and don’t want to risk further injury.

I say I’m “All Talk” because it seems like I know what I’m saying, I know what I need to do, yet, I don’t do it. I pick up that candy, I pick up that full sugary lemonade, and I don’t have self control. It’s funny when it had to do with a religious obligation like Lent I was able to give up that stuff for 40 days and then ofcourse easter rolled around and I thought “Hey you can have one peep, just calm down on it” yeah one turns into chocolate and so on. I honestly can NOT trust myself with this. When I make up my mind to not eat another stitch of candy I can do it… I’ve done it 2 years in a row for lent… but why does it feel like I’m mourning a loss with the thought of giving it up almost completely?

An addict has to give up what they are addicted to. Problem is I’m addicted to food and you HAVE to have food to survive. I know what I should be eating, how often, etc…. so why can’t I stop myself from grabbing a burger once a week or a pizza… argh

Excuses have been my life and when I set out on this year I said it was the year of change. Maybe I need to look into hyptnotisim as a means of changing

On believing in myself

Everyone says I should. I know I should and do on so many occations but when it comes to my weight not so much.

I didn't get fat because I eat too much. I didn't get fat because I sit on the couch and never do anything.

I got fat because my chemicals are imbalanced... I got fat because in High School I was bulimic and never really learned how to eat better so I would binge and purge thus causing permenant scars inside and out... I got fat because I stopped caring about myself and only thought of others for over a decade... I got fat by not eating meals and then getting so starving that when I did eat my body turned it into fat.

I know what my problem is, now I need to believe that I can change it completely. Just writing this stuff especially admitting virally that I was bulimic feels like a large wgt off my sholders. Now what do I do?

I've started Journaling my food intake again using buddyslim.com
I will continue to Jazzercise 3-4 times a week
I will look in the mirror and tell myself I am worth the effort
I will STOP asking why the scale won't move
I will figure out my body's healthy puzzle
I will Love myself!

YTD: 1 Lb a month

So if you can see my tracker I've lost about a lb a month. Ouch. I keep going up and down and up and down. On the bright side IT'S A LOSS overall!

So there is a challenge with Jazzercise starting today. If me and a partner attend 60 days between now and July 31st we will earn Jazzercise tanks. Who doesn't like a trophy for free!! well sweat and exhaustion... But so worth it!

I am upping my classes from 3 to 4 a week starting Monday. I am also making small changes to my diet in order to #1 ensure I EAT BREAKFAST ( bad sammie) and also eat lighter more nutrient meals later in the day. With it being summer that won't be hard because all I want to eat is cold foods, fruits, and veggies. Last weekend I ate half a watermelon myself. Took me 3 days but yeah :P

I really want to lose at least 10 lbs this month. Which I do realize is twice what I've lost this year. I'm going to make it a daily mission to get there... starting with limiting candy to once a week and popcorn to once a week... can I do it.. Hellz yes!

On believing what my Husband tells me.... finally!

So, for a few weeks now my Husband has been telling me he can already see changes in my body, to not worry about what the scale says, so on and so forth. Do I beleive him... No, ofcourse I don't. I've been conditioned since I was little to only care about what the scale says. If the scale isn't going down then I'm not doing good thus I suck! Well... that thinking needs to change and change for good.

One of my favorate instructors told me she's already seeing me slim in... then my sister in law says it... then my own family. Guess what... it took all those people to convince me what my husbands been saying is true. That is sad that it took that many people. But I admit it and Duane, here it is in writing "You Were Right, and Thank You for Noticing!"

So today I looked in the loooong mirror at work. The one I'm always dreading, and I notice that my clothes are hanging... not struggling to breathe... on my body. So even though the scale has only gone down a few lbs the change is noticable and happening.

Nothing has stopped me from working out 3 plus times a week. I will beat my inner demons and gosh darn it, I look damn good at any size.

Peace out!

Final countdown to Race for the Cure

This Saturday morning I will be doing the walk for the Race for the Cure in Salt Lake City. I've been signed up for 4 months now so this feels like it's been a loooooong time coming :). In preperation for this day I am going to find everything pink I can from Ribbon for my hair down to shoe laces. I am also going to get in three work outs with Jazzercise during the week since I'll be missing Saturday due to this race.

So pretty busy week overall! I'm just excited to be doing this for such a good cause and that I was able to wrangle up team mates and donations!

I'm sure I'll be posting pics this weekend, wish us luck! Go Team ROCKY ROLLERS!

Feeling Stronger each day

So I'm tired of the scale telling me if I am or am not making progress. The other day I stepped on and about flew off the handle that I was 333 when just a few days prior I was 326.5.... ummm not! My pants are fitting very loose in the legs and I'm starting to see changes in my arms.

I've been on this roller coaster for many years and I know that at first when you start a work out regimine and aren't on a 100% clean diet you tend to gain muscle and the scale doesn't drop or drop as fast.. My hubby reminded me that weighing every day only played into that emotional roller coaster and he's right. I should just focus on what I can control and only weigh my self once a month like I told myself I was going to do.

So after vacation I have the 5K for race for the cure. I plan to spend the time after vacation to refocus my meal plan. Focus on quick and easy things I can grab and go that stay inline with eating right (AND ENOUGH!). I think I have the work out part down and am going 3-4 days a week. I know the food part really is the hardest part. I am so proud of my Husband being down 10 lbs since Jan 1st. I'm down 6 which isn't too shabby... but I have a long way to go and damn it I want to fit into that cute wardrobe hanging in my closet waiting for me :(

I can do this!

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

-Christina Aguilera

Addicted to Jazzercise

So the first week I went three nights in a row and slightly pulled my knee. Now I've found that if I put a day or two in between I can rock it. I still feel on the days that I'm not working out the urge to want to go. I'm calling this my new addiction! I feel great after working out. Now I need to get my mind into eating properly for the amount I'm exerting so the weight will fly off. I know how to do this as I've done it before with my friend who is a personal trainer. Just need to make my menu, stick to my list at the store and eat on time.

Right now though I'm focusing on getting my butt to class 3 days a week and eating better. After vacation at the end of this month I will then get on a meal plan 5-6 days out of the week... but right now I'm focusing on working out and my road to vacation!!! because rest is just as important.

I highly recommend the Jazzercise work out. There are all levels and it's very encouraging atmosphere. Love those ladies!!!

My first 5K results

Well I did it! I completed my first 5 K. I did so in 1 hour 1 min and 35.5 seconds.
Let me tell you it wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. For one I'm carrying over 200lbs of extra person on me, My left foot and calf went numb half way through and stayed numb until about 5 yards from the finish, I was the 4th last people to finish.... but you know what? I did it, I didn't give up, and I kept telling myself to believe I could finish. Whether it took me 3 hours or 1 damn it I was going to finish what I set out to do. I feel like a different person now. I feel like I want to set more goals to try to accomplish...

First thing is first. Jazzercise, lose weight and set my sites for my next 5 K which is May 12th. I want to be able to not be in pain for days after and want to have that same sense of accomplishment.

If I can do this at 330 lbs... what's your excuse?

Taking action...

So, I went to a free Jazzercise class last night. At first I thought I wasn't going to make it through but I forced myself to stick it out. You know what? I ended up looooving it and I was able to do most of the moves. The Instructor Angie was amazing! She was motivating us to sing along and yell on command.. kept me very engaged. After class I decided to go ahead and sign up for a year. I've been needing a class which pushes me to work harder and not just slightly go through the motions at home. I love the GIRL POWER feel to the place and the people were so nice. I also love that my friend Christy introduced me to this and now I have a great work out partner!

In little over a day I have my first 5K ever!!!! The trail seems pretty flat and easy. I'm excited to be doing this not only to prove to myself that I can do this but helping out a great cause. Yes, Ladies and gentleman... I maybe turning into one of "those" people, but hey, my soul feels great right now.

I'm sure i'll be posting pics of before, during, and after the event on a blog later this weekend. So Excited!!!!

How crazy am I?

Not only am I doing a 5K in March but now I've started a team for the Susan G Komen Cancer walk/run on May 12th. My goal was to complete a 5K this year and now I've committed to 2. I actually feel my soul is more at peace with this. It's not a feeling I've had in a long time.

My Mother passed away on Mother's day 1994. I was only 14 years old when she passed. It's hard every year around that time, but am so blessed at the support I have from my family members including my Step Mother Norine, who pretty much took a broken home and made it whole again. So breast cancer awareness is something I'm an advocate of. It's truly my honor to walk in the memory of my mother and inspire others to either join with me or donate for the cure.

Click below to join my team or donate to the cause
http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/General?px=12182360&pg=personal&fr_id=2479

I feel a sense of pride that I'm getting up and moving and commiting to these things.