Review, Redefine, and hopefully Renew

Hello all,

So I lost 35 lbs from Jan-Sept last year then I have been at a stale mate since. Plenty of things have gone on in my life but I'm really really discouraged that I can't get the scale to budge at all this whole time. I'm still doing My Fitness Pal. It states that I burn an avg of 3200 cals a day and that I should eat 500-1000 less then that. Well with my fitbit monitor I see that most days I am burning 2800 cals unless it's a work out day. So I've planned my days meals to be between 1800-2200 cals. Even with that... even if I go a little over I've managed to lose and gain the same 5 lbs several times over the last 6 months. If I were actually pregnant I would be ok with that but because I'm not it's pissing me off that I'm not dropping weight like a mad woman! I honestly and really discouraged today and don't know what to do. I've tried eating more for 2 weeks and gained... ate less and stayed the same. I can't seem to get far enough away to stop seeing "300+" on the scale. I don't want to do anything drastic because drastic tends to only be a temporary loss. Maybe I'll figure this out someday soon.

I gave up Sweets, Desserts, and Drive thru's for lent. So I'm hoping that maybe by the end of Lent I will have figured out my grove and get into all those sweet pairs of pants hanging in my other closet!

Starting Lent early!

Well January was full of excuses. Too much cold, too much snow, and too many events. So now that I'm done saying that I'm so over January now. Because I didn't budge in my weight this past month that means that's even more I need to work on this month. I'm going to do my best. First off, going to the grocery store tonight to get veggies, fruits, and other items to make sure I have enough to eat at home and at work. If I pack things with me then I don't dive for the candy jars.

Infact next week starts Lent season allthough I will be starting my lent season TODAY. I've finally decided I'm giving up sweets/desserts and fast food (this means any place with a drive thru). As I know I can't avoid eating out all together because of family outtings and such but I can restrict what I can control. Most people give up one thing... and it takes 40 days to break a habit... well Lent is 40 days so here I go. What is funny is that I am a "Saint" when it's Lent season on the items I give up but the rest of the year I seem to struggle. I believe that if I give up certain things all together like I have with soda maybe that's the key to my success... what has candy or BK ever done for me other then keep me plump?

I'm struggling with weight loss right now and as much as I'd fully like to blame it on the meds I'm on, I know that some of it is my choices. So instead of looking forward to Peeps and a chocolate bunny on easter when Lent is over... I want to look forward to a fabulous new spring dress and what goes better with a dress then some new shoes!

Doing it... no really

So I've been back to Jazzercise but the weather is causing classes to be cancelled so I've been thinking of alternative things to do at home. Crunches on commercials, Bicep curls, etc... anything I can do.

So I'm back down to my fighting weight before the holidays... 298! Which is awesomesauce. Now I need to break through that number and keep going. I updated my ticker with my 2013 goal to get to Onederland.. That's as long as I don't fall pregnant :P

I won't talk much about what I'm doing with that and the schedule... This time we'll keep it private when it does happen until we are in the safe zone. I've decided that I'm too old and will only have one pregnancy. People keep trying to change my mind but when I think about having a kid still living at home when I'm near my 60's it just turns me off hahahaha. I have worked so hard for just one.. if I'm blessed with just one I'm not pushing my luck.. I'm moving on with my life and enjoying every moment I get.

Anyways, got a little side tracked this week with emotions and rash choices to delete my calorie counter program... but all is good in the hood now. I am back on there and drama free peeps are gone off the list.

Jan Mini goal: 8.9 lbs

March 2012-Jan 2013 35 lbs loss

pics

Fighting Emotions... and colds... and a NEW HOPE

So as some of you know I lost my grandpa Harold this holiday season. He was 79. It's been a 4-5 year ordeal and I thought I was prepared for it. Alas I had a few bad days there of uncontrolable crying and emotions. I'm not one to get weak and it was really hard for me to allow myself to feel like that. I did however so I could get over this process to move onto better times in 2013.

In the mist of that I landed cold #3 just 2 weeks after the last cold. This one hit hard and fast and has lasted over 5 days. I think I'm through th worst of it now but the hazy air isn't helping my nagging cough. Isn't it funny that when you get sick everyone instantly thinks you are pregnant? ummm peeps I'm not throwing up, I have what half of utah has right now... chill!

Today is a good milestone. Today I go back into my amazing OBGYN to check on my blood pressure and since I've lost 15 more lbs then he expected me to in order to discuss fertility options... think we'll discuss that too! Duane and I have had some talks resently but last nights was wonderful. Day dreaming about our piggy tailed little girl or our overall wearing spikey haired little guy (both blonde blue eyed :))and how amazing it would be to actually concieve this year. I think that hope we both lost has returned in full force and we can see our bright future again. In hopes that maybe all this postive energy manifests into what we want. So stay tuned... I have some hard month ahead with hormone treatments and such, but if it results in a pregnancy it'll be worth it!

Goals for 2013

#1 Focus on a budget and stick to it
Work on paying off 1 to 2 debt accounts this year. I have already worked on a budget plan for all of 2013 and showed my husband. I think it's something we can strictly stick to as much as possible. Once we get thru a month or two of 2013 we will start picking 1-2 debts to pay more towards in efforts to eliminate those bills in 2013.

#2 Push and make it to Onderland by the end of 2013
That's 8.3 lbs a month, 1.9 lbs a week. I know that is a very agressive goal. I do not plan on doing this unhealthy at all. I plan on putting in the work and eating what I need to in order to get there. The only thing that would derail this goal is if I finally got pregnant, then I won't feel so bad if I miss this hahaha. If I put in the effort and say I did everything I could then what ever # loss happens... is what happens, and I'll be thrilled.

#3 Reignite my passion for scenic photography and oil painting
Spend way to much time watching reruns or TV. Figure this will get me out and about more and really spark my creative side. I can focus on the pictures in order to spark my wanting to oil paint.

#4 Work on the yard
Figure this helps physically and visually. Some know that we have a infestation of Mole/Gophers that we've been trying to get rid of for a year. I think in the spring we will have an exterminator out. Then we will till up the entire back yard and some of the front. I have put some initial thoughts together of what we may do and I think our focus this year is to clean up a much as we can and plant some trees. Next year we want to rip out the deck to rebuild and put a concrete patio... then we'll put sod in the back yard... still working out what we want to do so this one is on here just to say that it'll be a focus.

#5 Get my home in order
Not that I live in squaller... but I have plenty of rooms that are starting to get "Horders" scary. I've decided that anything we can agree to let go of we are going to sale or donate. I have a 4 bedroom home and only allow folks to see the kitchen, living room, and bathroom. I want to be able to leave doors open when guests come over. I want to walk into a room and LOVE IT! First things first, "a place for everything and everything in it's place"

I am sure I will have small goals or "mini" goals throughout the year. But I want to really focus on these 5. I'm not calling them my "resolutions" because I want to actually follow through and not give up on any of these.

Look back at 2012 goals

In Dec last year I made the below 5 goals. I will attempt to explain how I did on them..

#1 Only one meal out a week: This was a great goal but not realistic for our lifestyle. What I did instead was prelook up nutrition facts and made choices that fit within my daily "budget". So fail but not so much fail

#2 I am going to read one book a month: I went strong on this one the first half of the year... then I fell off. First off I'm taking a certification course for work and do a ton of reading for that... second, I've been working out so much I just want to spend my spare time with my hubs.

#3 Keep a up to date account ledger and stick strictly to a premade budget/grocery list: hahahahaha this will be on my 2013. This was an epic fail

#4 Take time for myself: This I didn't fail on. I signed up for Jazzercise 3-4 times a week and continued to do 2 scrapbook clubs a month. Now I feel like I don't have hardly any down time but that's not such a bad thing. Down time = eating junk

#5 Take time off and not lose the time I've earned: I can only carry over 40 hours into the next year... this year I'm not losing time I'm burning my time. I will only be carrying over 36 hours :) so no off time wasted this year. Yay!!

Additional goals: Participate in a 5K (fact I participated in 2 and 2 1 Ks), Gave up soda for good, started in Jan and haven't had any, and log all my food which I do on the myfitnesspal.com website religiously since July.

Stay tuned for my 2013 goals

Full body shots March till Nov

Under construction ETA Dec 1st

Tired of the toying scale

303, 302, 300.5

I can't seem to break the 300 mark. I know I know... I am so close and not to get discouraged now. I count every calorie. Work out. water water water.... I just can't seem to break it. I should be shedding weight like mad.

Some day... some day I will look back at this and laugh at my thoughts. I will not stop I will keep pushing thru.

Accepting and dealing with the cards you are dealt

Lately I have been thinking long and hard about all aspects of my life. I'm doing well with weight loss, I'm in a good marriage, I'm starting to get hope back that possibly someday I'll hold MY child, and Hudson is happy now.

It's true though that you always want more then what you are blessed with. You want a thinner body faster, You want a healthy baby of your own, You want excitment to happen in your life every day, you want a bigger better home, You want your debt to disappear, you want clothes that work with your body, you want you want you want.

How do we overcome the "wants" and be happy with the "what I haves"?

Someday I think that I need to address this addiction to "always wanting more" with a professional. People will tell me, "Just be thankful" or "Just put it out of your mind" or "Your time will come". It honestly feels like I do everything to be good and moral but yet see others rewarded that are bad and S#itheads. It isn't that easy when you have an addictive personality to just not be happy with what you don't have. I've seen addicition all my life as well through those close to me. I know when I need help and I know when to ask for it.

Maybe it's just human nature. Maybe no one is meant to feel "Whole" and that's the challenge god has put before me. I know I don't usually get this deep in thought but today I'm really reflective.