Tired of the toying scale

303, 302, 300.5

I can't seem to break the 300 mark. I know I know... I am so close and not to get discouraged now. I count every calorie. Work out. water water water.... I just can't seem to break it. I should be shedding weight like mad.

Some day... some day I will look back at this and laugh at my thoughts. I will not stop I will keep pushing thru.

Accepting and dealing with the cards you are dealt

Lately I have been thinking long and hard about all aspects of my life. I'm doing well with weight loss, I'm in a good marriage, I'm starting to get hope back that possibly someday I'll hold MY child, and Hudson is happy now.

It's true though that you always want more then what you are blessed with. You want a thinner body faster, You want a healthy baby of your own, You want excitment to happen in your life every day, you want a bigger better home, You want your debt to disappear, you want clothes that work with your body, you want you want you want.

How do we overcome the "wants" and be happy with the "what I haves"?

Someday I think that I need to address this addiction to "always wanting more" with a professional. People will tell me, "Just be thankful" or "Just put it out of your mind" or "Your time will come". It honestly feels like I do everything to be good and moral but yet see others rewarded that are bad and S#itheads. It isn't that easy when you have an addictive personality to just not be happy with what you don't have. I've seen addicition all my life as well through those close to me. I know when I need help and I know when to ask for it.

Maybe it's just human nature. Maybe no one is meant to feel "Whole" and that's the challenge god has put before me. I know I don't usually get this deep in thought but today I'm really reflective.

Didn't rule those 2 lbs... but it's ok

So before vacation I didn't lose the 2 lbs I needed to so that I could celebrate being out of the 300's. But you know what, that's ok!

I still went on vacation, had fun running around Disneyland, relaxing at the condo, and eating tons of good food. I didn't feel guilty or ashamed. I tried my best to stay within calorie lines and did a TON of walking so I didn't fret.

I am back... I'm not going to weigh myself until this Saturday so I don't discourage myself at all. I will get in 3-4 Jazzercise classes, I will restock my fridge with good foods, and I will be excited for my next event with id "Night of the Running Dead" this Saturday night!

Onward and upward. I will get out of the 300's and be able to write that post I've been wanting to for years. It will happen!

2.1 lbs... I will rule you... I hope :)

So... I am officially only 2.1 lbs away from being out of the 300's. I want to be out of the 300's by this Saturday since I'll be on vaca in San Diego all next week.

I got a fortune cookie exactally 3 months ago from Oct 6th's date stating in three months you will get exciting news. I have been so hoping that this is true... and since it just so happens it falls on my official weigh in day. I certainly hope for atleast a 299.5 (Since my scale goes in .5's) reading. If it does I will have officially made it out of the 300's and haven't been that light in 6 years or so. I will then celebrate on my vacation and then get prepared for "Night of the Running Dead" when I get back.

Not sure with everything going on this week if I'll be able to Blog again until I get back from Vaca but I'll try... even if it's just to tell you what happens this Saturday.

Changing of Seasons

If you don't know fall is my favorite time of year. The air is a little crisper requiring a blanket or jacket, football, marching band, colors changing, it's ok to wear darker colors. I just love it. With fall also comes "Comfort" food. I am determined this year to make healthier comfort foods.

I am also finding it hard to get my proper water intake. It gets cold thus harder to drink water. Ugh I hope that I can figure it out because I don't want that to hinder my wgt loss.

Good news is I'm only 4.1 lbs away from being out of the 300's! I'm hoping to get out of it prior to going on vacation in 2 weeks.

Marathon Week (not in a good way)

Let me run it down for you:

Monday: Mother in Laws Birthday at Cracker Barrel (Low carb menu :) )
Tuesday: Double Jazzercise classes (Didn't get in enough calories)
Wednesday: Rock Festival (Crap food but stayed within cals)
Thursday: Habitat for Humanity project (Crap food but stayed within cals)
Friday: Rehersal Dinner (For a wedding Duanes in)
Saturday: Lunch with aunts at Cheesecake factory and then the Wedding
Sunday: Nephews Birthday Party

How much more stuff can Sammie pack into her week? Ummmm I don't know and honestly I don't want to find out. So even though I'm keeping with in my calories I've not made the most sodium friendly choices this week. If tomorrow mornings weigh in is that I am the same weight and not more.... I'll be happy!

Is that what I think those are??? Wrist bones!!!

If you haven't figured out I do my weigh ins officially on Saturday mornings now. Mostly because I find if I weigh the morning after a work out I tend to have some retention probably due to muscle repair. So since I generally don't work out friday nights this works out. I weigh myself before I get ready for my work out that morning. but I digress... back to the topic at hand (pun intended)

This week I have noticed that my hands have more definition. When I type I can see muscles and ligaments moving. Kinda sweet!... The other thing I noticed today was as I was shaving my arm hair (I do this so I don't have gross black thick hairs on my arms) that I almost knicked a wrist bone.... where the heck did those come from!!!

So it appears with my weight loss that the most dramatic changes might be from the limbs on in... because my ankles are looking uber skinny too and I'm starting to see some definition in my calves.

Super motivating!

Queen, Princess, Popper

So if you don't know what I mean this is the run down:

Eat like a Queen for breakfast
Eat like a Princess for lunch
Eat like a Popper for dinner

I try to keep that in mind when I plan out my meal selections for the day. Eat your heavy carbs earlier in the day then you have all day to burn them off, enough carbs at Lunch to fuel the rest of the day and light carbs at dinner to finish off your day.

Ofcourse with my blood sugar levels needing to stay level I eat 6 times a day. I make sure that my snack are never larger then a meal... I try to get in the larger meal calories at breakfast or lunch. I try to keep dinner as light as possible when I eat dinner after a evening work out. If it's earlier in the day I try to balance out all three major meals.

So far that has helped me lose 22 lbs in 2 months time. We'll see if it continues to go this way, but I'm seeing more difference in my body and the way I feel then in the scale.

can you say NOTICABLE? sure I knew you could

Yeah, I can tell there's more light coming through on places... and lifting everywhere... I feel good!

Hey, Fat Girl!

Fore warning I about cried when I read this.... I am this "Fat Girl"

(This is a blog entry from flintland.blogspot.com)

Hey, Fat Girl.

Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the
running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy.
You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make
you cringe.

You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops
on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so
much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes
at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You
never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.

You are awesome.

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the
reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is
tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a
brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will
far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face
your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this
physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult
decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take
is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so
slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were
in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is
stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is
possible.

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and
put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that
the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so
inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people,
know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so
many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health,
“starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from
deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are
relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and
you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe
tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will
not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a
new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.

I bow to you.

Now that you've read it... honestly I've always been a very very strong person on the outside. But on the inside I am this girl. It wasn't until I found Jazzercize (thanks Christy!!!) that I truely feel I can hold my head up high, get my sweat on and don't see judgmental eyes. I now see and hear from people that are inspired by me. Those things keep me going and I know I will get there. Honestly, when I lose most of my weight I am going to pay it forward to other woman that struggle... show them there are kind people in the world. Let's stop tearing women down and start building us up!
Love you all! and thank you for reading this. It's very inspiring to know that there are others out there willing to write these things about the fact that "Fat Girls" are trying! "You may not think that walking is not doing anything, but you are still doing laps around those stuck on the couch!"