"All Talk"

So last week I injured my back and really have hardly been able to move except the last 2 days. I’m going to try to get to a Jazzercise class tonight but I know I’ll have to watch it as I’m still sore and don’t want to risk further injury.

I say I’m “All Talk” because it seems like I know what I’m saying, I know what I need to do, yet, I don’t do it. I pick up that candy, I pick up that full sugary lemonade, and I don’t have self control. It’s funny when it had to do with a religious obligation like Lent I was able to give up that stuff for 40 days and then ofcourse easter rolled around and I thought “Hey you can have one peep, just calm down on it” yeah one turns into chocolate and so on. I honestly can NOT trust myself with this. When I make up my mind to not eat another stitch of candy I can do it… I’ve done it 2 years in a row for lent… but why does it feel like I’m mourning a loss with the thought of giving it up almost completely?

An addict has to give up what they are addicted to. Problem is I’m addicted to food and you HAVE to have food to survive. I know what I should be eating, how often, etc…. so why can’t I stop myself from grabbing a burger once a week or a pizza… argh

Excuses have been my life and when I set out on this year I said it was the year of change. Maybe I need to look into hyptnotisim as a means of changing

On believing in myself

Everyone says I should. I know I should and do on so many occations but when it comes to my weight not so much.

I didn't get fat because I eat too much. I didn't get fat because I sit on the couch and never do anything.

I got fat because my chemicals are imbalanced... I got fat because in High School I was bulimic and never really learned how to eat better so I would binge and purge thus causing permenant scars inside and out... I got fat because I stopped caring about myself and only thought of others for over a decade... I got fat by not eating meals and then getting so starving that when I did eat my body turned it into fat.

I know what my problem is, now I need to believe that I can change it completely. Just writing this stuff especially admitting virally that I was bulimic feels like a large wgt off my sholders. Now what do I do?

I've started Journaling my food intake again using buddyslim.com
I will continue to Jazzercise 3-4 times a week
I will look in the mirror and tell myself I am worth the effort
I will STOP asking why the scale won't move
I will figure out my body's healthy puzzle
I will Love myself!

YTD: 1 Lb a month

So if you can see my tracker I've lost about a lb a month. Ouch. I keep going up and down and up and down. On the bright side IT'S A LOSS overall!

So there is a challenge with Jazzercise starting today. If me and a partner attend 60 days between now and July 31st we will earn Jazzercise tanks. Who doesn't like a trophy for free!! well sweat and exhaustion... But so worth it!

I am upping my classes from 3 to 4 a week starting Monday. I am also making small changes to my diet in order to #1 ensure I EAT BREAKFAST ( bad sammie) and also eat lighter more nutrient meals later in the day. With it being summer that won't be hard because all I want to eat is cold foods, fruits, and veggies. Last weekend I ate half a watermelon myself. Took me 3 days but yeah :P

I really want to lose at least 10 lbs this month. Which I do realize is twice what I've lost this year. I'm going to make it a daily mission to get there... starting with limiting candy to once a week and popcorn to once a week... can I do it.. Hellz yes!